Jar of Hearts
by MissA79
Summary: Song-fic. Elena's P.O.V.


_**I heard this song and decided to use it with a one shot. It's Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. Enjoy!**_

_**No, I can't take one more step towards you**_

Stefan. Bonnie. Katherine. Caroline. Ric. And Damon. They all knew. I had tried so hard to keep it all hiden and tucked away. Then Klaus happened. I couldn't bare to let Damon die. Not this way. Not for me.

**_Cause all that's waiting is regret_**

"Aren't you going to even tell him goodbye, Elena? After all he is going to die for you."

The tears poured down my face. I knew that we might all die. I knew that I _would_ die but I expected _him_ to survive. After all he was Damon. He was tough and strong. He gave off that indestructable vibe. Turns out even the mighty can fall. It was now or never. I couldn't let him die thinking that his love would never be returned, that it wasn't enough. That even though Katherine didn't love him, I did. I wanted him to know. He needed to hear it.

"Wait!...I forgive you for everything, Damon. I remember what you said that night you gave me my necklace back. I pretended to forget because it was what you wanted. You were so unselfish when it came to me I wanted to do the same for once. You were right that night. I tried to ignore it. Im sorry. I love you."

He looked at me with such bewilderment. He wasn't sure if he heard me right. I nodded my head to give him the confirmation that he needed. He gave me his bravest smile and nodded back at me. He wouldn't look weak in front of Klaus, not even now. It was enough for me. I knew.

I thought we were going to die but it didn't happen. Turns out all we needed was a good enough distraction. Ric used the dagger I pulled out of Elijah and pushed it through Klaus' heart. It seemed like the war was over but the battle was just about to begin. Everyones eyes were on me. They all knew now.

**_Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore_**

They both loved Katherine.

They both loved me.

Where was the line? How can you tell the difference? Sometimes I wasn't sure. I wasn't Katherine. They'd both told me this numerous times. I belived that _he_ didn't think I was Katherine but _I_ knew that I was just like _her_. Because _I _loved them _both_._ I _was hurting them _both_. How _he_ didn't see _her_ when he looked at me was something I didn't understand. I believed everytime Damon looked at me after that day at the tomb he never saw Katherine. Sometimes I wasn't sure about Stefan. I would catch him looking at me when I'd do something not very Elena like and wonder if it was her he was thinking about. When I did the same something around Damon he looked at me proud, not as framilliar or unusual.

**_You lost the love I loved the most_**

Stefan and I broke up.

It could have been worse.

Turns out I wasn't the only one that harbored feelings for someone else. That doesn't mean it was easy. Stefan was angry. Angry that I lied about my feelings. Angry that I couldn't choose him. Angry at Damon for trying to compell me. He still doesn't know what all was said. That was reserved only for Damon and I. I didn't need to give Stefan details he was hurt enough by me. He loved me and I loved his brother. I had loved Stefan, so much. I loved him first but that didn't matter. Because once I started to let Damon in, Stefan and I were doomed from that first moment on. I didn't want to acknowledge it, I acted like it was nothing but my heart knew better.

**_I learned to live, half alive_**

I ignored it. I blamed everything on Damon. I acted as though he meant nothing, felt nothing. I let him be the monster he believed he was. I stoped trying to get him to be the better man. I tried to be as mean as possible. Tried not to let him get to me, tried not to let him know that he did get to me, even though I tried so hard to be immune to him. He got to me in a way no one ever did. I would have never forgiven anyone else who hurt me the way he did but this was Damon and no matter what he did or would do I would inevetibly forgive him. I know how skrewed up it was, I was skrewed up though and I loved him. There was no escaping it, not anymore. He would never let me anyway.

_**And now you want me one more time**_

"I had to almost _die_, Elena, for you to admit it."

"I know." I said defeadetly.

"I did everything I could to save you. I would have given my life for you."

"I tried to give my life to save yours. You wouldn't let me." I yell at him defensively. He wasn't the only one willing to die.

"You always knew how I felt. I may have came here for Katherine but I stayed for you. You didn't forget what I told you. I blatently told you_ I will always choose you_. You made me think you barely cared. Why should I let it go?"

"Because I forgave you." I say it as it was a good enough of an excuse. It was all I had. I wish he would yell or smash something. All he did was sit there staring into the fire with a glass of scotch, talking in a somber tone with a slight edge to it.

"I have saved your ass repeatedly. I have done everything I can to try and protect the people you love. Everything to protect you and make it up to you. Yet all I get from you is shit."

"What do you want from me?"

_**Who do you think you are?**_

"I want you to see who you are. I see you for everything you are Elena. Good and Bad."

"You don't think I know that? I see you for all your good and bad too."

"You knew what I was from the start. You acted so innocent."

"Who the hell do you think you are? Are you going to sit here and judge me after everything you've done?"

"I've never judged you Elena. I call it like I see it and I accept it, just like you do with me." He's next to me before I can even blink. Pressing me up against the wall. I struggle against him but I'm no match for him. Our faces inches from each other. His hand finds it's way to my face. His oceanic blue eyes bore into mine and the tension is too much. I crush my lips into his and he matches my intensity. Together we were explosive. We are up in his room in a quick flash. Our clothes are scatterd. We are tangled in each other beneath his sheets. _Heaven._ That is what being with Damon was. He was like a drug to me. From the first time I had my first taste I was hooked.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Stay."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"Enlighten me."

"Damon, we both know that you and I wouldn't work in a relationship."

"Your a coward, Elena." He tells with with frustration and anger in his voice. "Go home." The rough tone in his voice hurts but I deserved it. I could have stayed, it could have been avoided.

_**And tearing love apart**_

And here I was tearing us apart because I thought I didn't deserve to be happy after I hurt Stefan. After I've hurt Damon. I knew damn well Damon would try his hardest to make us work and with his determination maybe it would, but what if it didn't? I couldn't loose him. Not now, not ever. He never got tired of fighting me. He said it was what we did. And we did it damn well.

_**You're gonna catch a cold**_

_**From the ice inside your soul**_

I would always blame Damon for being so closed off and cold. He was but so was I. We would have sex. We would have a prefect night. A great road trip. But when things got too close for comfort I'd bolt. I knew how bad it hurt him, I knew how mad he got but I did it anyway. I was trying to save both of us from the inevetible heartbreak. I always came back though. I knew where to find him. Sometimes the grill, sometimes the Boarding House, even at Ric's lately.

_**So don't come back for me**_

"One day I won't be here when you come back Elena."

"You want to leave? Leave." I told him as if I didn't care. Now I was outright lying to him. I was doing it delibertly. This was what we did. We fought and we made up. My voice was strong but deep down I felt like I was suffocating. What if he did leave me one day? What would I do with out him?

"Fine." Is all he said.

_**Who do you think you are?**_

"Dont threathen me Damon."

"It's no threat."

"Then go."

_**I hear you're asking all around**_

I didn't even ask him to stay. Maybe I didn't think he would leave. I thought we would do this forever. How selfish was I?

Ric and Jeremy told me he called to see how I was. My feelings were so skrewed up. A part of me wanted him to miss me just as much as I missed him. The other part was pissed that he didn't call me. I had no rights when it came to Damon, not now, not ever. He was never really mine because I wouldn't let him be. It was what I wanted more than anything though.

_**If I am anywhere to be found**_

_**But I have grown too strong**_

A part of me thought he'd never come back, that he was finally tired of everything I put him through. I knew he deserved better. I knew he could find it too. He was Damon, and he was irrisistable. He always was but now he was the better man.

I know why he left. He left because he'd been through enough. A part of me wondered if he left for me too. For me to see how strong of a person I was. To see that in all reality I didn't need him to be okay. Maybe I didn't. I already knew that. I needed him because I wanted him. Maybe he wanted to see if I could stand on my own two feet if I would still want him. If he would have asked I would have told him the answer would be yes.

_**To ever fall back in your arms**_

_**I've learned to live, half alive**_

_Half Alive_

That's what I was with out him. My life was boring now. Things were as normal as they could be. Stefan and Katherine were still traveling. Tyler and Caroline were helping each other. Bonnie and Jeremy were just being a coupal. Ric and Jenna were trying to make things work. So far, so good. She knew everything now. It was better this way. No one had to lie to her anymore. It had been seven months since that day in the clearing. Seven months since I told Damon I loved him. With him gone a part of me was missing.

**_It took so long just to feel alright_**

"Elena, call him."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because he left."

"_You_ made him leave."

"Thanks, Care."

"I'm sorry but it's the truth. He left because you put him through the ringer."

"Not on purpose. We wouldn't work."

"Yes, you would. Your scared and because of it you just may accomplish the one thing you almost died trying to prevent."

She was right.

_**Remember how to put back the light in my eyes**_

No matter what was going on it was always Damon that could make it better. He knew how to get me to relax and let loose. Just to take five minutes and breathe. He could make me feel alive when I felt like there was nothing to live for, when everyone was in danger because of me. He made me feel like no matter what the problem was we could fix it and we would. No matter what.

_**I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed**_

That first time we kissed was wrong. I knew it and deep down he did too. Katherine hurt him and he needed me to not reject him like she did. But I did. We both told him those ill-fated words. _It will always be Stefan_.

She was telling the truth.

I was lying.

I wanted to forget that first time we kissed. Because now I had a taste of him. I wondered what it would be like to kiss him for real. To not fight it. To accept it.

The second time we kissed I knew that I would love him forever, that one kiss was all I needed to know that it was never always Stefan. It was him from the mintue I met him. I needed him. I craved him.

_**Cause you broke all your promises**_

Telling him that he broke all his promises was my way of keeping him at arms length because I was so afraid to give my self to him completely. I could and most likely would get lost in him. I loved the pain he had and I loved that I could make it go away. I loved that I was the only one that could make him whole. Did I ever tell him that him did the same for me? Everytime we were together I felt complete. There was nothing else in the world that I wanted like I wanted him.

_**And now you're back**_

"You love me."

"I also hate you."

"Well I hate you too sometimes. Don't think your alone in that but remember there is a fine line between love and hate."

"You left, Damon."

_**You don't get to get me back**_

"I left for a month. Thirty days, Elena. I wanted to give you some space. I wanted to make you see that you would miss me, that you want me here. Your afraid that one day I'm going to up and leave, that we are going to hurt each other. We most likely will but that's what makes us great because we can fix it and get past it. You want the security that Stefan gave you? I could never give anyone that but for you, I would. I'd be here forever, for how ever long you wanted."

_**Who do you think you are?**_

"Do you think you can sweet talk me? Tell me what I want to hear. Hurting me and then trying to help me heal."

_**Runnin' 'round leaving scars**_

"I'm not the only one who left scars, Elena."

He says quietly. As unlike Damon as I ever heard him. I didn't even know how to respond. He was right. I did a number on him too. He wasn't the only one who did the hurting. I had to stop. We couldn't continue things unless it changed.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sory too but I won't do this forever. Not even with you. You are the only person that has pushed me to my limits, that is still alive to tell about it, that I keep comming back to. You wanted me to feel. You got it. I quit pretending. I'll never be what you deserve but I will try my damn hardest. But if you can't give me everything then I want nothing."

"Your wrong. I don't deserve you."

"Maybe." He says giving me that smirk of his. "But I don't care." He says as he cups my face in his hands, I placed my hands on his wrists and hold onto them. "If you don't love me enough, let me go." He has tears in his eyes, which make mine well with tears. He deserved so much better but I loved him too much. I could love him enough, forever. It hit me then, forever. That's what I wanted with Damon. This was my real moment of truth.

_**Collecting your jar of hearts**_

Damon had won the hearts of many women. Most of those whom he used, who am I kidding? He used them all. And here I was, the excpetion and I was taking full advantage of it. Pulling him in. Pushing him away.

"I love you Damon Salvatore. Forever. I want more than one life with you. I will never let you go. I'm sorry that I've been such a mess but it was always you. I will always choose you too. I have. A long time ago, I was just scared. No more. I don't want you to ever leave me again.

_**Who do you think you are?**_

I knew excataly who he was. I loved him anyway. I would always love him. We would be tragic and epic all in one. It didn't matter what happened now because we would get through it together.

"Forever, Elena. I promise. It won't be easy but it'll be worth it."

"We may be tragic but I bet we could be epic."

"No doubt about that. I love you, Elena." And with that he lifts me into his arms and takes me up to his room. Not in vampire speed. Just human, savoring this moment. We walk into the room that we will spend the rest of eternity calling ours now. I smile as we fall onto the bed together. This is where I belong. After months of fighting it, fighting him. I was home.


End file.
